Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
