Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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