Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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