My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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