i was born a porn star she said
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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