Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
