Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
