Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
