My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
