I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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