I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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