But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
