We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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