Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
soo... how was my night?
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