Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
