I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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