Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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