i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize