i think my tv is drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
