Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
