Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
