I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
