Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
