umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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