Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
