So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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