Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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