she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
