I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
