I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
