just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize