You work out of a Hotel?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
