btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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