How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
