She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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