I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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