I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
