If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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