This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
