3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Randomize
