I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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