im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
