In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
