I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
