He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
