It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
