She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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