my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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