Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
