THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
