She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize