Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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