dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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