the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
