You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
