i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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