I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
