Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
