new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
