Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
