i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
