david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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