I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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