I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
