Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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