meet me or not, i'm out of control
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
