Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
operation harelip BJ is a go
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
