Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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