he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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