I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize