If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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