he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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